Thursday, May 29, 2008

Just one more year

Another year passed me by and as I look into the mirror I find a completely different person, one that I never thought I would be, someone stronger, wiser and smarter. I look into the sky and deeply thank God for another year, another chance to grow into a better person and an opportunity to fix the many mistakes I've made.

I'm one year closer to my goals and, even if the clouds cover the sky, I know everything is going to be just fine. I have the sweetest people by my side and nothing is going to change that.

This past weeks my mother left to Peru. It felt so awkward not having her around, like I had lost my best friend, my first love, I really felt sad and selfish. Not having her around is awful but she deserved this "vacations", even under those circumstances.

And now that she's back I can finally sleep at night, it is the most beautiful thing: To see her smile, to hug her and feel that unique scent, a mother's scent.

So... Is this how happiness feels like? Cause I believe I could get used to it.

And for me? Mmm Happy Birthday Joyce, 21 already... Gee girl, you are no longer a child.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Give me a reason to love you

Who waltzed me into this
Am I now stuck here forever?
Luck just gave me a kiss
Then lashed me down with a leather strap


This word. We women should tattoo this seven words in our foreheads so we never forget that it exists.

Years ago, when women still remained virgins until marriage and MTV played real music, when global warming didn't exist for most people and internet was just a myth... Back then "romance" happened.

Nowadays, when love is so overrated and surreal we begin to wonder... Which are the things men can do to make a woman feel special?

I began to wonder months ago how used we are to this same thing: Men trying their best to get our attention, to hunt us, to get us, to please us but I needed to know if we women are doing anything to seduce them back.

Is it ok to rely in our backs hoping to get the best treatment while they work their backs (per say) to make us happy? Is it fair? Did nature meant for this to happen?

Well I certainly believe not. Believing in women freedom and rights and still we are just as hypocrite and dependent is kind of contradictory don't you think?

This is just for us girls to have it on mind. Instead of crying about our guy not putting enough effort... Why don't we, for a change, start making things different?

To be continued...

Sunday, May 04, 2008

May I hurt you just a little?

What am I supposed to do? Carry on or lose my will?

Sometimes we find ourselves in certain relationships which are really difficult to end. They are often toxic and destructive and, most of the times, we refuse to let go cause they are addictive as well.

That's why our sub-conscience creates some kind of self-defense in order to block other people's feelings. Right now I'm going to talk about my own case.

When a person lets me down and hurts me so bad the only thing my mind can do is change my attitude towards that specific person. So I start being sarcastic, bitchy, tacky and very often I say things that I don't feel just to make him/her hate me and just to keep them away from me.

I know it's really bad and I really try to change that but I just can't. Just not with people who have done terrible things to me, I need to drive them away, I can't stand that a guy who cheated on me one day the next day starts talking to me as if nothing happened. I feel the need to hurt that man... And I'm sorry, really.

But I'm sure I'm not the only person in the world who has this kind of defenses right? I know I can be rude and mean many times but, is that so strange? Am I the only one? Is this the time when some scientists kidnap me and treat me like their guinea pig?

I'm trying to be different but it's so difficult... I just need a little time...

Now playing: Sinergy - Wake up in hell