What am I supposed to do? Carry on or lose my will?
Sometimes we find ourselves in certain relationships which are really difficult to end. They are often toxic and destructive and, most of the times, we refuse to let go cause they are addictive as well.
That's why our sub-conscience creates some kind of self-defense in order to block other people's feelings. Right now I'm going to talk about my own case.
When a person lets me down and hurts me so bad the only thing my mind can do is change my attitude towards that specific person. So I start being sarcastic, bitchy, tacky and very often I say things that I don't feel just to make him/her hate me and just to keep them away from me.
I know it's really bad and I really try to change that but I just can't. Just not with people who have done terrible things to me, I need to drive them away, I can't stand that a guy who cheated on me one day the next day starts talking to me as if nothing happened. I feel the need to hurt that man... And I'm sorry, really.
But I'm sure I'm not the only person in the world who has this kind of defenses right? I know I can be rude and mean many times but, is that so strange? Am I the only one? Is this the time when some scientists kidnap me and treat me like their guinea pig?
I'm trying to be different but it's so difficult... I just need a little time...
Now playing: Sinergy - Wake up in hell